THE HEROINES
Ray Bradbury once said: “Remember: Plot is no more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.” In my case, my characters are on their way to cause chaos and pandemonium. Most writers will understand this notion.
Today I thought I’d interview the two heroines from my supernatural YA stories; Trelawney Belle Rhoades from New Hope and Constance Wilkering from The Gates. They both genuinely talk to me (when they’re not pouting…) and they’re very different young women.
I have no idea how this is going to turn out, so join me on this misadventure!
Me: Alright ladies, I need you to start by introducing yourselves.
Tree: Well, I’m Trelawney, but everyone calls me Tree. Except Lilly who seems incapable of not being annoying. She calls me Lawney. ::Looks at Chaos::
Chaos: I’m Chaos.
Tree: That’s not a name, that’s a noun.
Chaos: ::glares at Tree:: Really? Tree?
Tree: Shut up. ::crosses her arms::
Me: Okay, well, what’s one of your favorite quotes?
Tree: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Kelly Clarkson. ::leans over to whisper to me:: Also one of my favorite songs, btw.
Chaos: “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” Dickens.
Tree: ::gapes at Chaos with her mouth dropped open::
Chaos: ::smirking:: I read a lot.
Tree: Well, so do I, you little pipsqueak.
Me: Come on, Tree. No you don’t.
Tree: You stay out of this!
Me: Moving on! What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?
Tree: Horseback riding! There’s literally nothing better than letting Van Helsing have his way on an open stretch. That horse can fly.
Chaos: Literally?
Tree: What?
Chaos: Can he literally fly?
Tree: Well, no. Of course he can’t.
Chaos: Then why did you say he could fly?
Tree: It’s an expression.
Chaos: ::looks at me for guidance::
Me: Chaos doesn’t get to talk to a lot of people.
Tree: Believe it or not, I could tell.
Chaos: ::makes a face at Tree::
Me: Chaos! Your favorite activity?
Chaos: Reading.
Tree: Reading?
Chaos: Reading.
Tree: You’re boring.
Chaos: And you’re —
Me: Okay! I should take a step back. You guys should tell people about your world. That might explain some of the differences between you two.
Tree: Fine. The Z Plague killed pretty much everyone and turned them into the walking dead. Also, there are vampires. Really shitty, mean, nasty vampires.
Me: Tree…
Tree: Okay, okay, okay. They’re not all shitty. There are a few who are alright.
Me: Right. Chaos, your turn.
Chaos: Demons took over the world and turned everyone into mindless cattle.
Tree: Oh, wow, yeah. That sounds terrible.
Chaos: They eat us.
Tree: ::long pause:: ZOMBIES!!!
Me: Nevermind! This isn’t going well. Let’s just move on to the next question! What sound do you love?
Chaos: Silence.
Tree: ::shakes her head with a huge sigh:: Silence isn’t a sound. It’s a complete lack of all sounds.
Chaos: ::shrugs::
Tree: ::looks at me:: Is she for real?
Me: ::shrugs::
Tree: This is ridiculous.
Me: What’s your favorite sound, Tree?
Tree: The sound of my sharpening stone across my machete. It literally sings. It’s beautiful.
Chaos: You have issues. You know that, right?
Me: Uh, ah… Tree! If you were immortal for a day, what would you do?
Tree: ::rubs her chin in thought:: I don’t know if a day would be enough. No one knows where the vampires go during the day. But if I had a full day, I would hunt those bastards down and behead the whole lot of them!
Chaos: ::stared hard at Tree:: Serious issues.
Tree: ::gets to her feet:: You little –
Me: ::shoves Tree back into her chair:: Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Such a kidder this one. ::glares at Chaos:: Just answer the damn question already.
Chaos: I wouldn’t do anything any differently than I always do. Immortality for a day doesn’t mean anything to me.
Me: ::facepalm:: Okay, let’s just get through this. If you could know the answer to any question, besides “what’s the meaning of life?”, what would it be?
Tree: What’s the cure to the Z Plague, obviously.
Chaos: Death is the cure to the Zombie Virus.
Tree: They’re already dead!
Chaos: Obviously not all the way.
Tree: ::grits her teeth:: You are seriously annoying. Do you know that?
Chaos: ::shrugs::
Me: Chaos, what question would you want to know the answer to?
Chaos: ::thinks for a long moment, then whispers:: Why did my mom choose my dad?
Me: Hey, yeah, so what would you name the autobiography of your life?
Tree: “The Great, Grand Adventures of Tree the Fubar Killer!” No, wait. “The Incredible Feats of Tree the Vampire Slayer!” No! “Daring Deeds of Death and Undeath!” No!
Me: Tree…
Tree: What?
Me: ::gives her that look:: Chaos, what would you name yours?
Chaos: Chaos.
Tree: You’re as boring as you are annoying. That’s quite a talent.
Chaos: At least I’m not a blond idiot.
Tree: Oh, ouch. What hurtful words from a midget.
Chaos: You manky twat waffle!
Me: And I think we’re done here — Tree! No! Put the Machete down! — Thanks for stopping by, I hope – Chaos! No! Let go of her braid! — Uh, if you’ll just excuse me, please…?
